the man in the iron mask

Hi All, from email July 23/05

Yes, I am still alive,

......just sitting here on the bench, with my new mask on my lap, waiting for the coach to send me into the game.

Last week we buried Don Larson, one of the nicest persons I ever met, his service was done up right, with three Besserer's giving the speeches. There must have been over 300 people there, a fine slideshow was projected on the big screen, with photo's going back to his youth and early working years. The day was overcast and a light rain fell, making this a more somber afternoon. On Monday we buried his ashes with his son Randy, at Queens Park Cemetery. That evening we all went for Chinese food and near the end of a great meal, the music in the restraint played, It's a wonderful life, which is one of the tunes we played at the funeral. It kinda of gave us a sign that all was OK with Don.

So, ya, I got the final fitting for the cancer mask. It's clear plastic and covers my whole face and neck to my chest. It has only a small triangle for the nose and mouth to breath, and it is so tight that I can't take a deep breath, nor swallow hard. It is bolted to the table after I lay on my back, face up into my 'iron mask', shallow breaths are all I get and even if I tense up, the mask hurts. Can't cough, can't scratch, can't see, as the mask is cast with eyes shut. Then it is off to the simulator where the mask again imprisons my fate. What was probably only a matter of minuets felt like hours as they set up the CT scanner and then injected me with dye, using the IV already in place. From there, they align the axis and, X marks the spots where the Radiation will focus, they also mark the skin for centerline, with a black marker that will take months to wash off. The build up of moisture on the skin just dripped off as I got up to dress, a most uncomfortable feeling at best. I think that I will keep the mask after the treatments and paint it up like an African tribal mask, hang it on the wall, and get a cold shiver each time I look at it.... Well maybe not...

So I am now ready, got my gear, just waiting for the Dr. to say, start, that will signal the start of the 7 week course of events, that are about to unfold. I find it hard to do the 'waiting game', even if I am to have a nasty time, I'd rather start now and get it done. So it's hard not to feel 'blue' sometimes, but I don't want to focus on it. There is still too much time in the day to dwell on such things, so I figure I'll just keep working on bulking up, and exercising , both free weights and, on the bike each day for about 20 km. . Just putting in time till I get the call to come off the bench, and start the treatment.

Thanks for all your support,

Andy